I am the Kid that Fails the Marshmallow Test

"Delayed gratification? Never heard of it." - me

Do you know about Stanford University's study linking delayed gratification to future success? It's known as the Marshmallow Experiment.

In the realm of self-help, especially among entrepreneurs, it's legendary. It's commonly referenced in podcasts and audiobooks about being successful at anything.

Here are the deets…

“The Stanford marshmallow experiment was a study on delayed gratification in 1972 led by psychologist Walter Mischel, a professor at Stanford University In this study, a child was offered a choice between one small but immediate reward, or two small rewards if they waited. During this time, the researcher left the child in a room with a single marshmallow for about 15 minutes and then returned. If they did not eat the marshmallow, the reward was either another marshmallow or pretzel stick, depending on the child's preference." Wiki

So, you can have one marshmallow now, or two marshmallows in 15 minutes. Which do YOU choose?

My nature is to take the first marshmallow every time. Impulsivity, frustration, or impatience with myself or my situation get me to pull the trigger.

If you know about my past as an addict, you aren't surprised, are you? A classic trait I've noticed in my addict peers is an inability to sit with discomfort/frustration. We give into the temptation quickly so that we don't have to sit with the angst of the decision. I don't know if this is nature or nurture, but it's extremely common.

"Patience is not simply the ability to wait - it's how we behave while we're waiting." - Joyce Meyer

"In follow-up studies, the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes, as measured by SAT scores, educational attainment, body mass index (BMI), and other life measures."

This finding reflects in my...

• Amazon purchases

• close call with high school graduation and dropping out of college

• nonexistent approach to organization

• IRA balance

• even my current waistline

But I'm learning.

I'm mastering new ways to motivate myself and building systems that embrace my nature.

Here's the key for motivation: When I know I'm playing the game, I can wait for two marshmallows. Part of it is my stubborn streak and a tendency to challenge authority.

Another part is the thrill of passing a test, which gives me a stronger boost of excitement (dopamine) than any marshmallow (quick thrill) could offer. If you’re wired anything like me, this shift alone could change your life for the better.

Here's how I craft systems to safeguard against my lesser self:

• Automate: Choose wisely once, and let it repeat automatically, instead of deciding every day, week, or month.

• Control Your Environment: If there's no bad option available, you can't make a poor choice.

• Support: My wife gently reminds me to align my choices with my goals. Friends and coaches check in to keep me on track.

• Self-love Question: I ask myself, "If I deeply and truly loved myself, would I do this?"

• Present vs. Future Question: I consider, "How does what I want now compare to what I want most?"

• Seek Instant Gratification Alternatives: When I started playing the bass, I wasn't great, but I loved it. I came back to it every day. The same goes for kettlebells. I stuck with them, reaching a level of mastery, because I enjoyed the journey.

"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet." - Jean-Jacques Rousseau

I’m writing this for those in my readership who are struggling. Many of the readers I know personally are doing quite well. If that’s you and you’ve made it this far please share this with anyone who might be having a hard time.

I hope that anyone reading this can absorb the lesson more easily from someone who has struggled to overcome instant gratification instead of some CEO who seems wired for delayed gratification.

Thank you and good luck,

- GB with two marshmallows

The Middle Path of Fitness

Today's tale of finding truth somewhere in the middle begins with toe spacers. Ya know, those freaky silicone things that your favorite movement or yoga influencer tells you that you need to have?

I've used toe spacers and minimalist shoes for years, on a journey of "rewilding" my feet. After years of conventional footwear that was too narrow and restrictive, I discovered Vibram Fivefingers. After a month of wearing them for short periods each day, I had outgrown all my shoes!

I've been a fan of free feet ever since.

When my brother-in-law asked for my recommendation for a pair of toe spacers, I sent him my favorite options on Amazon. They ranged from comfortable to durable. He settled on the pair that was comfortable and wore them every day.

Being a good BIL and coach, I checked in on him and his progress. He'd often say that he liked them and was feeling good. One day he sent me a link from Conor Harris, of Pinnacle Performance. It was titled, "Toe Spacers Might Be Making You Worse".

Through the video, Conor explains how the fitness and rehab industry tends to latch onto the "one true fix" to problems. He then talks about the complex movements that toes make when we walk. This is a direct quote that I loved.

"I hope we can all agree that a healthy foot has the ability to change shape and move into different positions, depending on the context of where we are in movement" - Conor Harris

Context matters. Having feet that can spread out isn't the same as having feet that always spread out. So toe spreaders can be good in some situations, but our goal shouldn't be perpetually spread orangutan toes.

One of my favorite postural frameworks is, "Your best posture is your next posture". I think I can attribute that to my dear friend, Dr Parth Niak. This means, moving around often and freely. It's sitting in one posture for prolonged amounts of time that creates stiffness and dysfunction.

Summary : Smashed and crowded toes aren't good. Constantly spread toes aren't good. Your foot should be mobile instead of locked into a posture.

Meta-summary : extremes often leave an imbalance or partial truth. Our minds want to do this with many subjects, but fitness seems to fall into the trap the most.

I'll leave you with a quote from Conor that seems like wisdom I would have heard and ignored from my elders when I was younger...

Everything has a time and a place. - Conor Harris

Sharing a Good Thing I did... like a pretentious jerk!

Phew, how do I share a good thing I did, to encourage you to do a good thing, without coming off like a self-centered jerk? Let’s start with self-deprecation.

Gentle reader, I think I am just a dork who gave a pint, got a little dizzy, ate 2 packs of Lorna Doone cookies, then drove home. I’ve got little veins and that poor nurse had to do some coaxing to get the goods. I don’t think I’m special or heroic for giving blood. It’s doing something small to help others. While I haven’t yet amassed my fortune, I do have a surplus of blood, so why not share?

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I can tell you that I was a little scared. It was my first time donating in FOREVER. There were women and men of all ages giving blood. They all looked like pros. That was comforting. The staff were kind, assuring, and knowledgeable. That was comforting. They gave me cookies at the end. That was delightful!

So why am I telling you about my mundane act? Because I hope that 1-2 out of the 100-200 people I reach with this message decide to commit a mundane selfless act. Then I hope they encourage 1-2 of their friends to do the same. After 10 rounds, 1024 people are doing little good things. After 28 rounds the entire population of the United States is doing good little things!

I want this as much for you as all the people it will benefit. If you’re feeling at all down or purposeless, helping others always has a way of bringing us back around.

Let’s file this one under #mindset, abundance mindset. If you feel comfortable, please share your little good thing you do for others in the comment section.

How do Fighter Pilots Make Decisions?

Quickly.

Fighter pilots involved in high-stakes missions need to make decisions at the speed of sound. How do they do it? The OODA Loop.

Observe

Orient

Decide

Act

You can use the OODA to help you act intentionally when you’re stuck in thought and emotional agony. Here’s a little background on its origin, then I’ll explain how we can use it in everyday life. 

The OODA Loop (Observe, Orient, Decide, Act) is a four-step approach to decision-making developed by military strategist and United States Air Force Colonel John Boyd[2]. It is often depicted as a simple linear cycle that begins with an observation, leading to orienting oneself in the situation, deciding on a course of action, and then acting on it[3]. The OODA Loop is used in high-stakes situations where quick and accurate decisions are needed[4]. It involves collecting relevant information, analyzing it, making a decision based on the analysis, and then taking action[5].

If it’s good enough for fighter pilots surely we can use it, right? Here are some real-life examples of how the OODA loop can make your life easier. 

When I am frozen, suffering paralysis by analysis, I look at the 10 things that I could do and ask, “What is the one thing, that by completing it, will make the others easier to complete?”. 

In a recent challenge, I was stuck in the Observation phase. The “one thing’ question helped me Orient my possible decisions with one of them being the ranked best thing. That’s the one I will Decide on and take Action on. 

What happens next? You repeat the process. You Observe what that Action achieved, Orient yourself in your current state, Decide what’s next, then take Action. 

If that seems challenging, it’s because it is a skill that we need to practice. I think it comes naturally to some, and to others, the idea that they could take the wrong action keeps them stuck in the OO loop. (me. I  get stuck in the OO Loop)

Observe, Orient, Observe, Orient. Never make a choice.

Another place I see a great need for the OODA loop is when you’re reading a book that is calling for Action items. I was recently listening to “Profit First” by Mike Michalowicz, and he went as far as to ask his listeners to stop what they were doing,  pause the audiobook, pull the car over or pause their workout, and call a bank to open a secondary bank account for the entrepreneurial Profit First system of putting profit, taxes, operating cost, and owner pay into separate accounts. He knows darn well that his highly successful book and system only work if people take Action on the lessons learned. 

So the next time you pick up a self-help book, see the OODA loop in the writing. As you’re reading, Observe and learn. Once you understand the basic concepts, Orient the concepts to how they fit into your life. Decide where to start (usually the author will tell you),  then take Action. 

When I work with my Grateful Sweat clients, we start with whatever education pieces they are missing. This is based on introspective questions and Observation. Then we talk about how these pieces fit into their success strategy. Understanding their Orientation to the things they learned is key to their success. We Decide which actions are most important to their success, then they take Action. What challenges can the OODA Loop help you make clearer and faster decisions with?

If the OODA loop isn’t working for you, reach out!